I’m way over due with the updates on my first date so I will keep the intro short and straight to the point. Not very me-like but we just have to do it. I would title this something a bit more different if I had time to sit down comfortably and wrote this right after the date or even the day after. But now, it’s been a few days later and my perspective have changed completely. I’m glad that I actually had a bit of time to reflect to come out with the most insightful guide.
Briefly on the story.
When I planned the date, I totally forgot we would have a work function that same day which would involve drinking. I thought to myself “Oh for God sake, 7pm. Guess I will have to stick around the office pretending I’m working until 6.30. Then put on a bit more make up, fixing my hair. Then casually make my way to the bar.” However, with the work function, things got dragged out. And I ended up heading to the date in a rush. The only thing I could do to prep myself was a quick trip to the toilet before marathon-ing my way to the train station. In a late autumn night, I felt sweat crept down my back and my hair got blown crazy in the cold wind. My head was pounding with “I’m late. I’m late. Alice, don’t be late.” I’m a person with good moral and principle anyways. So even though with a test like this, I was not conscious but allowed myself to freak out about timing. Guess after all, the heartless chicken Alice still wants to be a half decent human being.
Most of the time, I would freak out and over thinking and over analysing everything. And things always ended up worse than it actually is. I would feel so nervous and unprepared and sheepish. But this time, since I did not set an expectation and I knew deep down this is all up for a wordpress post later, I was as calm as I ever could be. In contradiction with my thoughts, (the thought of this seem-not-too-keen guy would show up late, or even forgot we had a date, and I would awkwardly sit at a table by myself, sending messages on the app in hopelessness, or I would take control over the situation and walked in confidently, ordered a table for 2 and sat there waiting with a smile (badass-ly confident one of course!) I saw vaguely across the street, in front of the bar, a guy in a black jacket, leaning against the wall, waiting.
“He seems taller than his pics!” I thought to myself. It was too dark and my dried-out contact lenses did not help. My heels knocking on the pavements made him turn and look.
And I tried putting on this big ass smile!
“Hi!” He walked towards me.
By the end of the hug, my brain registered he was trying to lean in for a *french bisous* while I was bro-hugging him.
After the awkward hug we quickly made our way inside. Again, different from the loud crazy dirty bar I imagined, the place looked empty and quiet. Unreal for a Thursday night in Sydney! We walked around, got a table right in the middle of the room, next to the stage. We started chatting nonstop since. Mostly about work, some meaningless little things here and there, work, work, and more work. I tried putting on my best smiley chatty face. Since that’s the closest to my real self. Often times, I was this moody, bitch-resting face Alice who does not seem to like any sort of human interaction and her soul does not belong on this planet earth. I tried to not be that Alice because people who had met her normally got really confused when they get to meet the cheery Alice. Just trying to save this man soul from all that confusion. We chatted for half an hour and he went to grab the menu. Then we kept talking until the waitress came over, ushing us to actually order food.
I wanted to testing this guy out, so I stayed super neutral in my food option, pulling the “I’m not hungry. I’m fine with anything” kind of response.
“Do you want to half a pizza?” He asked.
“Yea sounds good!”
“You want any drinks?”
“Oh I don’t know. What do YOU feel like? What is your go-to drink?” Again me testing out.
After we decided, he went to order. As an independent women living in the 21st century, I felt a bit odd (if not saying much), sitting there like a useless incapable person needing other people to get them stuffs. I mean basically I can grab the menu myself, AND order my own food but who’s going to watch out for our bags and stuffs if I head to the bar with him. So 1 millisecond after he stood up, I bolted “Oh you can order first and I will order mine later!”
“That’s ok!” Then he quickly walked off.
I sat there a bit dumb-founded. Inexperienced I am, but it was a matter of expectation. I sure did not expect people, man or woman, to ever pay for my own dinner on a date. I’m more than happy to pay the bill. And I would expect to sit at the dinner table, when the check came out, if the guy want to pay, he would politely says “Let’s me get this.” And I would, as a gentle-women would do, gracefully say “Thank you!” *plus bashing my lashes*.
It was just hard to imagine, he (or any guys) come on a date with a clear mindset of “I’m paying”. Can be a western etiquette but it did not feel right. After all he is a stranger, why am I letting him pay?
Took awhile, he got back, we started talking non-sense again until the food come out. Ate, chatted, drank, chatted, laughed, chatted, drank.
“You guess what time is it now?” I asked after had a glance at my phone.
I noticed for the whole course of our “date”, he pull out his phone once to show me his motorbike photo, and not touching or checking it ever since.
“Are you sure?”
“I would say 8.30. 8.30!”
It was 9.30pm. We had been there for 3 hours. I haven’t pull the “oh my friend need me now” act yet.
“How time flies!” He laughed.
We sat and chatted for a bit more until the conversation killed itself and I heard myself hinting “Omg it’s Friday tomorrow. Why do we still have to go to work?”. The he gently asked ” So wanna head for tomorrow?”.
I noticed he did ask multiple times the question of “What do you want?” “How do you want?” “Oh do you want it?”.
Once we’re outside, again his question fell somewhere along those lines and me just being the oblivious Alice.
“Imm head. I’ll be catching the train.”
“I can walk you to the train station?”
He wanted to say something after that but I cut him off.
“Nah nah I’m fine! How are you going home?”
“Oh I normally uber from here. Butttt some days I walked from here to Townhall and home. So..”
“Oh you should order your uber then! The train is only 10mins away so I’m fine!”
“..soo” This time he stayed consistent with what he wanted to say and I couldn’t really cut him off. “..soo I can walk you to the train station..”
“Nah.. I’m..” Then I saw this look on his face waiting for an answer.
It finally rang a bell. What was in my mind was “Oh he’s properly just saying it for the sake of being polite but would flee if I say yes. Oh and he’s properly worried that I’m worried walking alone at night. But I’m fine! And the train is only 10 mins away”
But what he was asking for was maybe a bit more of time, and a bit more of a confirmation “If you let me walk you it’s a yes. If not it’s a no-no and off we split our ways for good.” I’m slow as you can see, AND inexperienced, I heard some of you screaming.
“Oh yea sure. It’s only 10mins away anyways!”
Once we’re at the train station, I was about to blabbing on the “thanks for your time. I need to catch my train. Bye!” But he started telling me about how when he was younger, his brother and him slept outside this train station once. So I had to stand there and listen to the story, while trying to add some giggles here and there to not come up as straight up rude. “I just want to go home!” I heard my thoughts scream.
“Anyways thanks so much for your time today!” I heard myself almost scream. I was trying to put this to an end.
“No, thank YOU!”
“See you….ah sometimes! hah”.
We hugged and I turned to fled but then he still stood there looking at me like he was waiting for something.
Do I need to say something else? What people normally do? Don’t they just say bye and leave? Oh hah nah, don’t tell me you’re expecting a bit more than an innocent dinner!
Then after the awkward pause, he asked.
“Can I have your phone number? It’s just easier!”
I stood. Paused. Looked at him. And bursted out. ” Yea sure. Because obviously for sure I’m deleting my *dating apps* account! Just not for me”.
Then he swiftly, for the second time of the night, pull out his phone, key in my name and gave it to me.
Hah a samsung user!
Then another hug.
Again I’m way too used to saying see ya to every single one I meet. So here we are, hugging, me blurting out another nonsense see ya.
“See you soon…sometimes!”
Again, for the second time of the night, me felt his stubble on my cheeks of him going in for a bisous and me bro-hugging him.
And I turned and fled!
I got home to no textes. Most of the times when I went out with a guy, he would text me right after and somehow say thanks for the time and stuffs. So I was caught surprise this time. For a whole long day there’s still no text.
This one thought bother me that day, I felt I came off a bit rude-ish so I genuinely wanted to send him a proper thank you message. But then would he take it as me leading him on? There are things I don’t know but for sure I know I don’t like him in a romantic way. I just wanted to put this whole experiment to a polite end. I didn’t text him in the end.
At the bar, 8pm, I was drinking with my friends and my phone buzz.
“Hey how you going?” Read the sender *his name*.
To be cont…
I will not dig in what he did or did not do like how I did previously in the first entry. But after this date I learnt about myself a little more. And sure found out from some conclusions that is worthy to put in this guide.
- Be a decent human. Be the best representative of yourself. A bad date or the person you’re dating can be the worst, that something you don’t have control over. But what you do have is the ability to how you come across. Always be that decent human, no exception.
- Be your authentic self. The only thing can be worse than missing out on a very good date is dating someone who you have to masked-on all the time.
- Do not expect people to pay for your food. People, or girls, often times forget, paying for someone meals is a nice gesture. It is an option, not an obligation. You don’t own them anything and in return they don’t own you anything that they have to pay for the food you consume.
- Do not expect people to be nice, or interesting, or engaging, if you are not doing it yourself. Be the best example of what you want people to reflect off.
- Be clear of your intentions. Don’t make false promise for the sake of saying it. This waste everybody time and emotion.